“Women is the craziest things…”

…and men is the stupidest.

The title is not intended as a misogynistic screed, but is a quote from an old Looney Tunes cartoon and I use it as a way along with the subtitle of positing the following premise:

All women are crazy and all men are stupid.

It’s one of those rules that’s hard to argue with.  Let’s start with men:

Men don’t seem to learn very quickly: ergo stupid.  I say this after having run into my second, large, stationary object on my bicycle on the way home in a month.  A month ago, I ran into a 20-ton roll-off dumpster (yeah, yeah– stupid, remember?) breaking 2 bones in my face in 3 places, and severely pulling the ligament that holds the collar bone to the shoulder bone and pulling a couple tendons around my rotator cuff.  On the way home this evening, I ran into the back of an enclosed trailer used by a lawn service to haul their equipment.

Common features of both situations of note:

  • Cloudy or rainy.
  • Stationary objects blended well with the background (brown roll-off on a heavily shaded street while overcast and grayish trailer with an overcast background).
  • I was grinding it up a hill.
  • I look up and, swear to god, see nothing.

With these factors in common and my being aware of them, I should be able to escape death by lurking things that don’t move.

Self-destructive tendencies aside, I’d say that even one occurrence of a bicycle collision with inanimate, fixed objects is pretty stupid– two is stoopid.  Fortunately, with the frequency of accidents so far being about a month, the law of averages should mean I’m safe until early October, right?

Let’s not just stop with me.  How many wars have women started?  I know, but Helen of Troy doesn’t count– Paris started the war by stealing his wife (read: property) from Menelaus, king of Sparta (and those guys liked war– they ate it for breakfast, I mean just look at the most homoerotic mainstream film ever made “300”, that Frank Miller sure does love him some ripped man-flesh for a straight guy, but I digress).

  • Rule one (fault Paris): don’t fuck with Spartans.
  • Rule two (fault Menelaus): if you love something, let it go; if your love was meant to be, it will come back to you (or some other such bullshit).

Again, I digress.  No woman I can think of has ever started a war (Indira GandhiBoudiccaGolda Meir— but preemptively in the Yom Kippur war).  It’s more likely that women just have not been afforded enough opportunity to cause wars, and might be more war-like if in charge– after all, they are crazy.

…But I’ll get to that point.  I’m not done with el stupido yet…

Wars are men’s domain, as are the vast number of road rage incidents, and just plain “too many Budz” fights that break out in parking lots, even between friends.

And let’s not forget abuse.  Acts of physical, verbal and other forms of torment are more often perpetrated by men on their partners or children than women.

So, men are naturally more aggressive than women, their first tendency is to lash out; but that’s not exactly smart.  I put it to you that acts of violence are not intelligent behavior (I know, I’m going way out on a limb here).

Let’s consider the common scenario of going out for dinner.  The man asks, “where would you like to go?”

(To Be Continued)

To be androgynous, one must be both crazy and stupid.

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