The History Channel’s “The World Wars”

The difference between this series and a sack of bullshit is negligible.

Donald Rumsfeld? The guy who blows Dick Cheney regularly and got us into two wars we never should have gotten into in the first place? The guy who learned his chops from the Nixon Whitehouse? The one who believe that Abu Ghraib was “just a few bad apples”? Why he not dispensing his “wisdom” while being bludgeoned with threaded rods by the overwhelming numbers of vets who want his blood (why threaded rods? Oh, they want to beat him, but they want to cut him, too) is beyond me. Tell me what insight this blood-gargling zombie can deliver to a historical documentary about warfare, puh-lease!

And Dick Cheney! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

John “I never met a war I didn’t want to get hip deep into” McCain? Mr. “I crashed more planes than most Americans drive in their lifetimes” McCain? Mr. “Chatterbox” to his fellows in the Hanoi Hilton? Sure he was tortured, so were other airmen, but they didn’t talk like . LOOK IT UP! Ferchristsake, this asshole ran for president in 2008 with Sarah Palin as his running mate! Why didn’t they just put her sorry ass on and let her come up with one of her cutesy sayings? “My father could look up Hitler’s asshole from his house!”

Colin “The Hypocrite” Powell: “Once you go to war, you know how serious it is…” Really, Colin? Tell us again about the phony tube of anthrax and cartoon drawings you showed to the UN?

And one conservative wind bag after another: John Major (purse holder for the “iron lady”), Gen. Stanley McCrystal (ret. and disgraced), David Milbrand, the bloviating list goes on and on. And those lesser-known “historians” they dug up are a who’s who of right wing revisionists: just look up their CVs: Brands, Reid, etc.


Dougie MacArthur? A hero? An arrogant self-promoting dictator at best. He was the very prototype of Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, and the rest of the crowd that believes that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Did they cover how he railroaded Billy Mitchel because General Mitchel dared state that air warfare made Dougie’s vaunted strictly ground military largely obsolete? Did they cover how he turned GUNS on his fellow WWI veterans at Hoover’s order whey they marched, starving on Washington to get the bonuses promised them? Did they cover the guy who only wanted to be photographed returning to the Philippines throughout the war regardless of necessary strategic positioning?

And facts? Out the fucking window: Episode 2 opens with a “stock broker” jumping out the window after the 1929 crash. In short, it NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED, not once. Look it up! You have the Internets and the Googles! Fucking never happened. Not one stock broker jumped to his death after the crash. One banker, exactly ONE, blew his brains out 2 weeks after the crash, and he wasn’t even from Wall Street, he just lost everything. Talk about perpetuating a myth!

Oh, and the New Deal? Entirely financed by cutting the military! I didn’t know that! Wow! So glad you cleared that up.

And Stalin? His real name was Joseph Dzhugashvili, NOT Stalin (which is Russian for “steel”); but they pass him off as Stalin from the beginning and portray him as Lenin’s right hand man. Lenin (Vladimir Illyich Ulianov was his real name) distrusted Stalin, he thought he was a thug (no shit!). Lenin relied more on Trotsky (whom Stalin drove out of the USSR and later had assassinated in Mexico).

Hitler’s Beer Hall Putsch was much more complicated that depicted: he was not trying to overthrow the German government, but the provincial government of Bavaria whose capital was Munich.

And no, American intervention in the First World War was not the panacea depicted: the US did not just show up and the war ended. Hardships at home in Germany and Austria were well under way to undermining the war effort, the 100 days’ offensive was not as dramatic as depicted. Read “All Quiet on the Western Front” for a better understanding of how a beleaguered nation that had no material imports for over 4 years destroyed the German war effort. Any nation that is surrounded (their navy was destroyed at Jutland) and denied access to basic raw materials is doomed. A new word for these “History” Channel bozos: Attrition. But, of course, the true story is not as exciting as the made up one.

“The Night of Long Knives” did not bring Hitler to power! Only people in Hitler’s own party were killed in the NLK, like Roehm (his principle rival and a man recognized as a “degenerate homosexual” by his fellow Nazis). Hitler’s assumption of power was much more complicated (his party only controlled 30% of the seats in the Reichstag– think of that the next time you consider the Tea Party as just a bunch of loons out on the fringes): the aged conservative Chancellor Hindenburg who made Hitler Vice Chancellor to make the conservative coalition which included the Nazis outnumber the socialists and liberal block in the Weimar Republic’s parliamentary government. But, hey, that’s not as sexy as claiming Hitler came to power through assassination of his “political rivals”– implying that he killed his non-Nazi enemies. In fact, telling such a lie whitewashes the blood on the hands of the conservatives who made him Chancellor after Hindenburg died. Funny how modern-day conservatives telling this “history” want to hide conservative complicity in Hitler’s rise.

History simplified for idiots. I’m quite certain Fox News gives this crap 5 stars.

Go back to producing reality shows like “Mountain Men”, “Pawn Wars”, “Biker Battleground”, and “American Pickers”. Now THAT’s history.

1 thought on “The History Channel’s “The World Wars”

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