15 things to do after the Trumpocalypse

  1. As an endearment, we must refer to Mr. Trump as Il Douche (pronounced “ill do-shay”).
  2. The motto on the Statue of Liberty must be changed to “Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate.” (Abandon all hope, ye that enter). That or “Arbeit Macht Frei”.
  3. We have to make sure that Mr. Trump stays alive to keep Vice President Palin from becoming POTUS. (Wait–we’ve been here before, haven’t we?)
  4. Start praying for the zombie apocalypse, or some kind of apocalypse– any apocalypse will do.
  5. Get used to saying “I told you so” a lot to your conservative friends as the country slides steadily into the shitter.
  6. Learn to envy the Russians for how good they have it (comparatively speaking).
  7. Get used to the equivalent of 24-hour “The Apprentice” only you won’t be able to change the channel and, unfortunately, it won’t be scripted. Talk about “reality TV”… It doesn’t get more real than “supreme leader of the western world.”
  8. Come up with really good slogans to graffiti the wall the Canadians will build to keep us out.
  9. Prepare to be reviled world-wide even more than we are already. America will become the moral equivalent of a fart joke.
  10. Constantly fight the urge to vomit a little bit in your mouth.
  11. Take deep breaths (especially if you are locked in your garage with your car running).
  12. Prepare to enjoy ever-increasing heights of ridiculousness flowing from the mouth of our highest elected official.
  13. Laugh! As the douche-baggery ensues, try to keep a sense of humor. Provide your own laugh-track, you might make it through the first term with your sanity. Your are, however, fucked if he’s reelected.
  14. Start a drinking game based on how often Mr. Trump says “Yuuuuuge”.
  15. Suffer with dignity.
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