All answers should be submitted on single-spaced typewritten (no computer printouts!) A-sized (NOT letter-sized) vellum or sheepskin (not paper) buried in a cigar box in your back yard along with $10k in unmarked, unsequenced $100 dollar bills. We’ll contact you via smoke signal with your “score”. Serious questions only–no freaks.  110% irony-free.

• Is there any value in recognizing the eternal folly of everything?
• Are you paranoid or just acutely aware of what is going on around you?
• Paper or plastic?
• So I switched from Microsoft to Apple–wasn’t it the same thing as just changing the hand that I jerk off with from my right hand to my left, or is that a bad analogy?
• Steve Jobs: “burn in hell” or “I’d host your cremated ashes in my dojo for a week, if Apple’s stock price were to go up by 10%”?
• Christopher Columbus: “<that dirtbag owed me money or some other level of emotional response to his mere mention>, so I’m going to blame him for ALL of the crap that befell the native Americans and other people of color who…” or “just another damned fool who stumbled onto something that he did not understand that by sheer coincidence caused my sorry, fortunate-as-all-fuck ass to show up here in this nation at this time, so why not take the day off”?
• The Koch bothers: “about to reap the whirlwind” or “who?”?
• Is Miles Davis known as 1.6 Kilometers Davis in Europe?
• Can Mule Deer have offspring? If so, why are they called mule deer?
• In Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, do the participants have to be waxed?
• Can you dig it?
• I knew that you could.